The Chronic Conditions of the Lonely

I dislike this piece. It received postive feedback, but I can’t help think it’s whining and self-serving. I’ve been a lonely person all my life… so what. Haven’t we all? But this condition is something which gets a lot written about it, and so I tried as well.

There is no lack of advice for single people. When you’re a single mom at 37, you get all kinds of suggestions to cure your condition. If you’ve just exited a relationship which has made you sad, people say, “Spend some time alone, get to know yourself again.” And then if you’ve been single for more than six months and sad, people say, “Put yourself out there. Go on some dates. Just have fun.” And then if you’re dating lots of people and happy you’ll hear, “You should probably take some time to be alone and figure out what you really want. You can’t really be happy?” And if you’re perpetually single and happy, no one believes you and speculates on why you can’t get a date. There’s really no way to win unless you’re in a relationship for which you are head over heels. This is when everyone leaves you alone. And if that is the only way to win, perhaps it’s why I’m having a hard time with dating and being ambivalent.

You can read the rest on Stackedd Magazine. But you’ll have to come back here to comment. Thanks for reading.

Shannon

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5 thoughts on “The Chronic Conditions of the Lonely

  1. Don’t ever apologize for writing a piece saying you’re lonely. Everyone is, they just don’t admit it and don’t want to risk criticism. You’re brave to say these things. At 37, you’re wise enough to say f*** off to anyone trying to give you “advice”. Btw, if you’re looking for a good read, get “All the light we cannot see”. Great read!

    • I have that book on audio… I couldn’t really get into it that way. I bet it’s better when read on the page. I liked the story set-up, but I got as far as the girl in the house with the weird uncle. I have been meaning to revisit.

    • I’m not sure being single is a condition… and it was all metaphorical, anyway. I was speaking more of loneliness as a condition. We all know you can NOT be single and still be lonely.

  2. This resonated with me. Im divorced for just over a year. One daughter. Husband was physically disabled with some pretty serious mental illness as well, which got steadily worse. So I was basically a caretaker/ emotional punching bag for him for the last four years. I have no interest in dating. Zero. I have felt so free and calm over the last year, I just don’t want anyone else around. Every once and I while I wish I had someone around (when a new movie comes out was a good example), but not enough that I want to invite someone in to my little world. I get comments from friends ranging from “you should put yourself out there” to “you need to get laid”. I find it frustrating that no one can accept that I enjoy being single and am not looking.

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